A Walk In The Park

Day 9: Point of View Prompt with a Twist

Today’s walk seems longer than usual, Frieda thought to herself. She adjusted her hold in her father’s large hand.

My daughter is wishing to be gone from here. I know it. She fidgets, so. Carl noted, as they walked through the park.

Oh, look! Tanta Bennett is up ahead. Knitting once again, that little red sweater. Frieda looks at her father’s aunt, seated on a bench not far from where they will pass.

Her fingers work fast, the needles clicking together, her rhythm steady. Tanta Bennett doesn’t look up as the couple approaches. “Look.” She holds up the small red sweater.
“I’m making it for Beth.” She hears them stop, as she continues clicking away, intent on making each stitch perfect.

Carl begins to shake, as if he is cold. Why Auntie, do you insist on continuing this. You know there is no Beth, anymore. Tears begin to stream down his face, and he pulls a hankerchief from his pocket, dabbing his eyes.

Frieda pulls a phone from her pocket and dials. “Hello, Nurse Evelyn, this is Frieda. She’s here again. I have to get my father home. Could you please come and get my aunt Bennett? Yes, yes, we’ll stay until someone gets here. But please hurry.”

 

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18 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. platosgroove
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 13:13:02

    😦 excellent story my buddy.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. platosgroove
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 13:13:23

    Made me tear up.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Ish
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 13:14:20

    Very creative, concise and precise

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. calensariel
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 13:54:01

    This prompt seemed so fraught with negative emotion that it made it hard to find hope in it. Plato’s was beautiful last night. There was lots of hope in his. I kind of fell into the same type scenario that you did. I think the prompt was too narrow. They gave us three points to use and that limits what you can triangulate about it all. It was interesting the way you did the different colors. Clare put little dividers between her characters’ comments. This was an odd one.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Apr 16, 2015 @ 14:42:01

      Exactly @ the neg emo. All we could reach was a sad conclusion. Though you brought great good healing to it! BRAVO! I felt very disconnected from it. But I wrote it, and then I wasn’t happy that it all looked the same, even though I put the thought of who each one was in bold… I just wanted it to be more self-evident. I’m feeling really dissatisfied over the last several. But I do understand we’re being pushed. Maybe I don’t like being pushed LOL Makes be belligerent. Makes me want to write bad things lol I don’t have a good feeling about what’s coming down the road; it’ll just keep getting odder and odder until I’m writing zombie stories because I’m so angry. grr argh. 😀

      Like

      Reply

  5. HumaAq
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 13:59:55

    Sucha good n touching story

    Like

    Reply

  6. somemaid
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 16:39:11

    That’s a powerful piece. I want to know the back story now and find out what happened to Beth. A very poignant tale.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Apr 16, 2015 @ 17:34:04

      how odd. I was certain I’d answered you. Yet, it’s not here.
      Thank you for your thoughts. To be honest, I don’t have a back story. I didn’t know there would be Beth until I wrote that line. I just write. I don’t think, probably when I try to think about it, I make it all too confusing, and long, and winding. Which is why I find your whole story so amazing. So well thought out! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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      • somemaid
        Apr 16, 2015 @ 17:58:56

        Thank you, that’s very very kind of you. My story started out as a way to quieten my mind while trying to get to sleep while pregnant. I kept thinking of how someone would react in a particular situation, and then developed it from there. I should probably write a blog post about how it all came about at some point.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        • Fimnora Westcaw
          Apr 16, 2015 @ 18:07:13

          That’s a fabulous idea! I think I’d need a lobotomy to quiet my mind. Though certain music can do that for me. Like the Hanshan Temple Chant music. But I need Nickelback and Metallica right now lol.

          Still, I so love reading how you’ve put everything into order for your book.

          Once your book is published, it would be a rather wonderful follow up for your readers, especially! I can’t wait to get my own copy!

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply

  7. badfish
    Apr 16, 2015 @ 21:15:44

    Your mind is a kaleidoscope.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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