Does That Seem Right To You?

Day Eighteen: Hone Your Point of View

[prompt: write this story in first person, told by the twelve-year-old sitting on the stoop across the street. Twist: For those of you who want an extra challenge, think about more than simply writing in first-person point of view — build this twelve-year-old as a character. Reveal at least one personality quirk, for example, either through spoken dialogue or inner monologue.]

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Grounded. And for what? Some stinkin’ brown nose at school snitchin that I got nabbed behind the gym smoking. No computer. No TV. Not even my cell. It’s like the ‘NO-FO zone’.

I look around my room. Weird that it just don’t hold anything for me now. Need my connections.

What’s that racket outside? I look through the window that faces the street. Old Mrs. P, always arguing something with the landlord. Shaking my head, I go over and watch. Might as well go hang on the stoop.

Mom’s yappin’. Good. Slipping out into the hall, I stop a minute. Quiet. Smells like Mrs. Murph’s cookin’ surf and turf.

The building door closes behind me and I slide down onto the top step. Mrs. P’s still goin’ on. Mr. T is making all his hand gestures. Geez, what’s up with that?

I freeze when I hear a siren. Get a grip. It’s not always for me. But they’re coming closer. Crap! down the street. I slink back a bit, bein’ all inconspiuous. Yeah, that’s me, Mr. Fly-on-the-Wall.

No way! I get this urge to go back in. But wait. They’re getting out and going over to Mr. T and Mrs. P.

Damn. It’s like we been studying in history, about world war two. Gestapo coming to take the old lady away. Yeah. That’s what they did. That whole occupation thing, coming in, trucks prowling through the town. Closing down shops, and hustling people off, right in broad daylight. Old Mrs P would’ve been Jewish, had a black band round her arm, with a yellow star on it. The mark.

Wonder what that woulda been like? I bet I’d a been all Freedom Fighter. Yeah. Secret meetings, planning to take down the war machine. Slipping in and outta the ghetto, through the sewers, bringing info back about what was going on.

Aw man. I thought they were cuttin’ her some slack. But no, they made her pack a suitcase, and are taking her key away.

Back inside. “Ma!” She waves her hand at me, that she’s on the phone.

“Ma! It’s Mrs. Pauley. You gotta help her.” Good. She put the phone down.

“What is it?”

“They’re taking Mrs. Pauley away in a cop car.” I pull her by the arm, through the door and onto the stoop. “Why are they taking her away?”

“Stay here. I’ll go see.” But I follow her as she goes down the stairs. “Mrs. Pauley? What’s happening?”

“Sorry, Ma’am, but this is police business,” one of the officer’s says.

Mrs. P looks right past the cop, at my mom. “They’re locking me out of my home!”

Man, she’s cryin’ now. I hate that.

“Please, Darlene, call my son, the one in Chicago. Tell him.”

“I will,” Mom says back. The cop takes the suitcase and puts it in the trunk, then puts Mrs. P in the backseat. As the car pulls away, mom turns, and heads back to our building. “Come on, Jackie”

“What are they taking her away for?”

We go inside, and I see Mr. T standing there, watching as the silent car heads down the block. The front door closes behind us.

“They evicted her.”

“Can they do that? Does that seem right to you?”

My mother shrugs. “There’s not much right these days. Now go back to your room.”

She got that right. Ain’t much right no matter where you go.

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Thanks to Jabrushblog   for fueling the creative muse.

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22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cecilia
    Apr 29, 2015 @ 13:51:51

    I like the flow of your dialogs! Perfect. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    Reply

  2. somemaid
    Apr 29, 2015 @ 15:22:55

    Brilliant story, I want to know more about this girl’s life. Is Mrs P going to be okay?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Apr 29, 2015 @ 20:22:41

      Thank you! I don’t know – hadn’t considered writing more. But it is a possibility. I’ll definitely let you know 🙂 It was supposed to be a 12 year old boy. But I guess Jackie can go with either gender. 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  3. calensariel
    Apr 29, 2015 @ 15:46:00

    I’m finding these stories all so interesting. Who would have thought there could be so many ways to tell the same story. There’s a lesson to be had there. I loved your take on it, Fim. I had a hard time trying to envision it today’s culture. But you did that really well throwing that stuff in their about the war. Guess he learned something in school after all! Great job.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Apr 29, 2015 @ 20:25:45

      I actually really enjoyed this prompt and twist. I agree. It’s been so fascinating to see how different writers put their spin on it. Yes, he did learn in school. That’s something I felt was important. That even if he got in trouble, he was still paying attention in class. 🙂 I wasn’t sure if he came off older, or not, but I can’t remember being 12 anymore LOL

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  4. Faraday's Candle
    Apr 30, 2015 @ 08:53:48

    Great story and look forward to what follows. It is full of possibilities.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Ish
    Apr 30, 2015 @ 13:29:56

    I was something similar on those lines… You did a fantastic job!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. platosgroove
    May 01, 2015 @ 09:07:20

    Wise woman. The means never change through history. Just the uniforms and titles. Nice!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Fimnora Westcaw
      May 01, 2015 @ 21:25:46

      Thank you! True enough. One can’t help wonder what could change it all.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • platosgroove
        May 01, 2015 @ 21:28:20

        People turning their tvs off.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        • Fimnora Westcaw
          May 02, 2015 @ 12:17:06

          I had to go off and think about that turning off TV. Not that we haven’t already done that, assuming (not always good that assuming stuff), you meant only to get away from all the network/cable, incoming dribble. We actually dropped all of that about four years ago. Though we still have the television to watch our special movies, like our wedding DVD – which we did yesterday on our anniversary – and our anniversary movie, in progress. We also do watch movies, and old TV shows we missed but without commercial interruption. However, if you were saying that TV itself, by its very nature, takes us away from ourselves, distracts us from our path, that is also possible. On the other hand, I do have to confess, that I actually go along with the premise given in a show called, Northern Exposure, that movies (in particular) is (or can be) ‘white man’s medicine.’ I have personally found profound moments in movies, which have shed light on particular obstacles I’ve hit.

          All of which, is to say, just noodling around in your brain to find out what you mean. 😉

          Peace out!

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply

          • platosgroove
            May 03, 2015 @ 10:35:49

            Generally I think that all media is a control function for the “rulers of this world.” I watch it sometimes and it is not a moral question but rather why would I allow someone else to put their agenda in me. The only purpose of media is to influence as many people as possible to act or believe in certain ways. The payoff for the people is that they don’t have to think except in the predefined dialectical categories assigned to their particular demographic. White man’s medicine is a great concept! But I think the basic technology has been in place since Samaria. To control others one has to get them to think in certain ways. Make them believe there is a divine right for them to rule, etc. It used to be called magic now it is called marketing. But Ima little odd 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

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            • Fimnora Westcaw
              May 03, 2015 @ 15:55:32

              Well, your odd is my kind of odd then. There’s a word, but I’m never able to call them to mind these days, that kind of personal ‘freedom’ brings to mind. Choosing not to, and I quote you, “allow someone else to put their agenda in me.” *doing cartwheels* Splendid. *clapping* @ “used to be called magic, now it is called marketing.”
              I could listen to you all day. Makes me recall days sitting in the student union, talking philosophy (not necessarily lf the classic form), all day long.

              Liked by 1 person

              Reply

              • platosgroove
                May 03, 2015 @ 17:23:55

                The rabbit hole goes very very deep 🙂

                Liked by 1 person

                Reply

                • Fimnora Westcaw
                  May 03, 2015 @ 18:52:31

                  Oh no!!! An Alice reference! I mustn’t mention this to Q, who is Alice’s biggest fan. He’ll never let me live it down LOL But I’m sure you’re right. I just don’t know how deep in there I am. I drive with my eyes closed. 😛

                  Liked by 1 person

                  Reply

                  • platosgroove
                    May 03, 2015 @ 19:19:40

                    I’m not any knid of expert. I studied all that stuff for years and thought I believe it to be so you still get back to. “Ok so? What am gonna do with myself? Just makes it hard just relax and go with whatever the thing of the day is. The ones who think the tv is trying to talk to them ususally end up in a mental hospital drugged out 🙂

                    Liked by 1 person

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