And End… A Beginning

For the last year, I’ve been part of a Soul Group. It was a group which I found when taking a refresher course on Tarot. I’d known about it before, but it wasn’t until last year that I would have the time to undertake such an endeavor, and a committment.

2014 had a very different feel to it. I was like a kid in a candy shop. I was playing in a realm to which I had always wished and longed to belong. I was surrounded by those of like mind, and I was invigorated. I was learning things and felt that around every corner was a bright new penny. I gave myself as fully to this world as I could.

Even as the year drew to a close, I was still clinging to the harvest of this yesteryear. Then the cold kicked in, and everything stopped, as happens in the natural world. And I stopped. People were hunkering down for the long cold days ahead. I did as well. And what was a great interest to me, is how I saw this was a cycle I always went through, only without consciousness.

Activities began to drop off, and I found myself in a very familiar space; that of inertia. Yet, rather than feel the anxiety of wondering what I should do, I simply snuggled up with the few remaining activities, and began to ride out this rather deep hibernation.

It seemed that the day would never arrive when I could return to the outside, to welcome the day, and commune with the Green Ones. The world began to warm up every so slowly, and I waited, watching as the snow melted, and a drab dull brown underground appeared. When the temperature rose above 60 I finally ventured out onto the land I coveted from behind a glass barrier.

As I stepped upon the remnants of last year’s old growth, it was a very stark difference with what I was faced: the once thriving land. Along with looking out and searching for that familiar landscape, I also looked inward to search for the starry eyed girl who sat transfixed by a previously taken for granted transformation, right under my nose. But someone else emerged. I sat looking out, from within the Hermit’s mind, quietly assessing the lay of this new land.

Last night, was the releasing of this Soul Circle; the end of a cycle which lasted, it seemed, for barely the blink of an eye. I knew it was coming, but I was so busy with my new found love, that I did not understand how bereft I’d feel at the last good-bye  to all those kindred spirit’s I’d come to know. As The Circle was released, I found myself sitting quietly with the beautiful, though bittersweet ritual togetherness. As I came upstairs, I opened my laptop, and launched a browser, finding myself at the doorway to the Circle’s abode. It was such a natural habit, to click on the link, and then I was within the pages of the Circle.

Have you ever noticed the difference in how you experience going to a website, knowing a page has turned? Instead of the flurry of activity, I  heard only the echoes of the many voices I’d known. I looked at one post, remembering hearing her voice through the phonelines just a few minutes ago, and yet, she seemed silent, just a visage of something more substantial. I saw the remnants of what had been; the stories, the pictures, the sense of sisterhood, now whispers of a past which just stepped beyond reach.

I know it is not the end of these friendships, but simply the structure in which we dwelt together.

Near the end of the Call, I had an interesting revelation. The first of this month marked a year since I’d joined; a year since I began using my favored deck, The Gaian Tarot. It was a year in which I learned so much more than when I first began. And as will so often happen, when entering a world such as this, we find new decks which draw us in. And I certainly can attest this, since The Gaian Tarot deck was one such during the time I used my first deck. But I waited, then, as I waited now, a year, to learn as much as I could before moving on to a new deck. So for quite many months, a new deck as stood waiting for me to meet it. I’d thought I might have that meeting at the first of this month, but I somehow could not. I took it down off the shelf, and put it on my reading table. Yet, that was as far as I could go. Days later, I entered the room again, and I opened the box, and slid out the book and celephane wrapped cards. Again, that was as far as I could go.

It occurred to me only last night during our final Wisdom Council, that I now understood why. It was out of respect for a chapter in my life, which needed to close. Only then would I be able to move on.

My plan today, is to go inside and sit and meet my new deck: The Hidden Realm Tarot.

One door closes, yes, but another opens!


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. platosgroove
    Jun 17, 2015 @ 13:28:52

    I am still after reading that. That world is foreign to me yet I feel I understand on some level the process. What I have done/am doing it seems is creating a new deck for myself these last 6 months or so. The deck being carefully designed card by card. I thought to remark that I am being careful in my choosing of the cards but then paused. It is more correct to say that the cards have been chosen for me and I merely stumbled upon them and eagerly picked them up. While the number of them are remains only that which I can hold in my hand, they are valued and protected and held in my heart. I am glad the Fim card is turned. It is a rich gift of grace to me.

    Liked by 2 people


  2. calensariel
    Jun 17, 2015 @ 14:34:34

    The serenity and graciousness that surrounds you never fails to calm me. I am so glad you found your way into my life, dearest Fim. You are a beacon of love and hope. {{{Fim}}}

    Liked by 2 people


  3. jabrush1213
    Jun 17, 2015 @ 21:15:49

    A very interesting post about a group you are in. It sounds like a group that is supportive and understanding. A gracious post about the things we are grateful for.

    Liked by 1 person


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