The Sandbox Writing Challenge – Balance

The Lady Calen of Impromptu Promptlings has gifted us with the next step in The Sandbox Writing Challenge!

Exercise 2

It’s all about Balance. Do you consider yourself a balanced person? What are some of the things you do on a daily, weekly, etc. basis to keep yourself balanced? If you don’t feel you are, what can you do to help you find some of that needed balance?

My first thought was, I’m highly unbalanced. Probably more because of my very contradictory likes. On the one hand, I’m drawn to some rather dark interests – books I read (post apocalyptic), movies and series I watch – The Walking Dead; The Sons of Anarchy; Vampire movies, Stephen King novels, CSI, Dexter… you get the picture.

On the other hand, I am also drawn to very light, fun, and up shows: Everwood, Gilmore Girls, McLeod’s Daughters – very family oriented shows, and movies like “Eat, Pray, Love,” “Serendipity,” “Sleepless in Seattle”, and ‘The Lake House”, “You’ve Got Mail” – Mr. Quantum and my anniversary movie…

How I navigate life’s challenges, usually begins with disaster thinking; Oh No! with lots of over the top beliefs of ‘I’ve lost everything,’ or ‘I’m losing control,’ and my panic disorder brings me to my knees, screaming, ‘make it go away.’ Though I have worked hard at panic management, and have come to understand that there is nothing wrong with asking for support, of which Mr. Quantum is stellar! I’m phobic – the worst was agoraphobia, where I couldn’t even leave the comfort of my home, couldn’t drive, and stayed stuck in a spiral of fear, dread, and misbeliefs that, in the moment, I was taking my last breaths.

While the panic management has morphed the texture of my anxiety, and how I react, I’m still tricked by that disaster thinking, which is a Langolier,* with great chomping teeth that I’m sure will consume me. However, I somehow have the ability to ‘turn on a dime,’ as the saying goes. Case in point.

In 2005, Q and I moved up here to the Northeast from Texas. We’re sitting with a ton of bags, and waiting for Amtrak to come into the  station. It’s always a long wait. Suddenly, over the loud speaker, the last call for our train is heard! WHAT????? No! We’re gonna miss the train! So we gather our things, running, huffing and puffing, and me losing my mind to the stupid ‘what ifs’ and all the ear mark rubbish of disaster thinking, only to arrive on the platform, and find the train has not yet pulled into the station. Of course, in that first moment of not seeing the train there, I freaked even more… but as I turned around and saw it coming down the track toward us, not moving away,  suddenly, as if I never had gone berserk, everything stopped, seemingly like my molicules were re-organizing themselves after teleportation. I was fine. That eternity of stupid thinking was gone, appearing to never have happened.

The other side of the  coin is my spiritual approach to life. It’s  quite Pagan, Nature based, and I have a huge respect for and love of all brother and sister beings. My days are spent following the Wheel of the Year. I’m more aware of consciously moving with the cycles of Mama Gaia, and find my thinking has opened up, allowing me to see that I am part of, not separate from, the rest of life and All That Is. The books which come with that side are written by authors like Pema Chodron, Lao Tzu, Deng Ming Dow. I’ve discovered new tools to help me in my Earthwalk like Tarot and oracle cards to connect to inner understanding, and hopefully, being able to help other people as well.

I was born with a vivid imagination, and that is double sided, too. Visualization has played a great part in being able to flip that switch from asleep (when I walk in chaos), to awake (when I live mindfully).  I’ve learned over the years to use that in meditation, and to begin healing the insults of the tragedies of childhood – that which needs more intensive work – to accepting mortality and living more authentically which is actually of gift of the process of maturing (aging).

No, I have not left out that special thing which has impacted my life as much, and along with all the ups and downs: my music is as varied as my tastes in reading and watching, but it is integral in everything I am, and do.

So, when I look back at it, it really paints a picture of balance.

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16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. calensariel
    Aug 19, 2015 @ 13:50:25

    “…seemingly like my molicules were re-organizing themselves after teleportation.” Does that happen in the Tardis??? You never told me! LOVED your post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Aug 19, 2015 @ 14:39:19

      Hmmm… Need to drop a note to the Doctor (Who?) and find out about molecular whatchamacallit… 🙂 Thank you. I kept going back in and adding stuff, and finding mistakes in grammar, so I finally finished today!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • calensariel
        Aug 19, 2015 @ 18:24:39

        I’m rethinking how I post these.Think next week I’ll put the prompt AND the response in one post ’cause the pingbacks are kind of all over. Sound like a better plan?

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        • Fimnora Westcaw
          Aug 19, 2015 @ 22:17:42

          You mean to have your response to the prompt with the prompt? And then we all ping back to that one post? It would be easier, probably. Some folks might ping back to the prompt post, and others might ping back to your own response. Sounds like a plan 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply

  2. badfish
    Aug 20, 2015 @ 01:55:00

    I’m a Libra. Libra has the scales…seemingly we would be balanced. But no, we are always weighing both sides of everything, probably the least balanced people around. But never boring!
    You guys are weird!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. spiritualdragonfly
    Aug 20, 2015 @ 17:45:24

    Can relate on so many levels!!!

    Like

    Reply

  4. metalflowermaker
    Aug 25, 2015 @ 15:46:11

    I’m working on my balance, though I must have some kind of inner ear disorder that makes me fall over everyday (ha-ha.) You sound like you are balancing your imbalance. Good for you! There is nothing wrong with eclectic taste, it makes you interesting and worth knowing. There are too many boring people in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Aug 26, 2015 @ 22:14:45

      That’s funny @ the inner ear disorder and falling over. 🙂 And a sense of humor is really important.

      It used to freak me out knowing I was drawn to a very dark place, but somewhere along the way I decided it was there for me to work with, and through, so I wouldn’t get stuck. It’s there for a reason, and not facing my demons only lets them into what I call the driver’s seat.

      I have to agree with you about bore-bots swarming around everywhere.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  5. metalflowermaker
    Aug 26, 2015 @ 23:11:02

    My mom has some inner ear issue, plus low blood pressure, so she tends to pass out when riding a bike. I’ve tried to convince her that a three wheeler is preferable to falling over, but she insists upon being stylish as she falls over. Yes, a sense of humor is important, without it, I’d be lost and a shut in. The woman nobody saw, whose baby was heard throughout the neighborhood.

    I’ve embraced my love of all horror vampire novels and short stories, Anita Blake went way dark, but I couldn’t put it down. I’m not nearly as strange as those characters so I must be okay:) Have you read the St. Germain Chronicles by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro?
    http://www.chelseaquinnyarbro.net/

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Aug 27, 2015 @ 00:46:11

      I’ve had vertigo most of my life.

      Yes and yes again to all things vampire! I am heading over to Amazon to check out the books! YAY!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • metalflowermaker
        Aug 27, 2015 @ 15:07:24

        Don’t forget Epub, they may have them for lower prices. Or other online libraries. Why buy when you can read it for free? There’s the public library, but I lose books, or return them so late I should have bought them in the first place. I almost forgot http://www.bellaforrest.net fluffy and lighter vampire stories.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        • Fimnora Westcaw
          Aug 27, 2015 @ 18:59:45

          True @ finding the freebies 🙂 When I first got my kindle, I trolled the Top 100 Free kindle books every day. I have well over a thousand titles I got. I’ve read not very many so far, and now I’m rather addicted to a game, so it sits on my carousel in front of my books that are in the ‘up next’ group. The little monsters are keeping barring the way. 😀

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply

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