The Sandbox Writing Challenge: What’s Holding Me Back

If it’s Tuesday, it must be The Sandbox Writing Challenge, brought graciously to us by our lovely hostess, The Lady Calen of Impromptu Promptlings.

The Prompt: What’s Holding Me Back?

This week’s challenge is What is holding you back? Now you can interpret that any way you’d like. Is there something you really, really want to do but just can’t quite get up the courage? Somewhere you want to go but haven’t for some reason? You decide how to answer this question.


As far back as I can remember, it always seemed that I didn’t do things, I thought I wanted to do. I would watch people doing stuff, and I’d be sitting there scratching my head (thank you Calen for that very apropos phrase), wondering why I wasn’t out there too? The thing is, when there was something that I really wanted to do, I did it.

They were always short lived, but the point is, I did it. However, the biggest obstacle was not knowing what I wanted to do. I even found a book which was exactly about this situation: “I Could Do Anything, If I Only Knew What It Was.”

Now, that may well be my rationalization for why I’m not doing things, but I really don’t think that’s it. I want to do everything, sometimes, but most of the time I just can’t figure out what it is I want to do. I went to college, got a degree, in Occupational Therapy. What a laugh… How ironic. I’m the one helping others DO, but I can’t help myself do, because how can you do something if you don’t know what it is?

Of course, that may not be the whole story. I’ve lived with panic disorder for most of my life. That will stop someone (it did me) dead in their tracks. Except, there were times I did manage, I did do and go places in spite of the fear. I suffered through it, and exhausted myself through most of it, and often ended up not really experiencing much more than all the anxiety surrounding my doing. But I did manage to do, go, be. It seems to me it’s such a dichotomy.

That leads me to the understanding that, it is me, myself and I holding me back. Whether because I’m scared, or because I can’t think past a possible apathetic mindset. Or, there’s always, nothing’s holding me back. You know that ‘cop out’ I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Oh wait, that should be I’m exactly where I want to be.

Here’s a thought. What if I don’t want to be anywhere? What if I don’t want to do anything?  It could happen. Then, the answer would be, nothing is holding me back. Does that sound like bullshit to you? Yeah, to me too.

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14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. calensariel
    Sep 16, 2015 @ 09:22:08

    I don’t know, Fim. The older I get and the more I struggle with my back, the less that sounds like bullshit to me. And apathy would enter into my story for that very reason. Sometimes when things aren’t working right it’s just not worth it to put forth the necessary energy no matter how much I want to do something. Apathy… I hadn’t though of that one.

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    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Sep 16, 2015 @ 20:15:13

      But, did you notice – I have in my own circumstances – that when I really want to do something. I mean REALLY want it, like the way I wanted to when I was a teenager, when wanting became immense, that it’s just easier to do? OR, I’ve found something that requires far less expenditure of time, energy, and more of sitting and playing, so, why would I want to do anything else?

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  2. Trackback: The Sandbox Writing Challenge 6 — What is holding you back? | Impromptu Promptlings
  3. badfish
    Sep 18, 2015 @ 04:16:22

    OK…spooky stuff again. When I read the first two paragraphs, I thought my response was going to say something like: “I could have written those first two paragraphs as my life.” Or something. But the spooky thing is this: the whole dang thing is something I could have written.
    Here’s my thought on it at this stage in the game: I think people who don’t “need” to go do all the things others do are old souls. We’ve been there, done that. There’s just no sense doing all that crap all over again in this life. Does that sound like crap? Wait till you see my next post on crap!

    Hey…has WP changed things on your blog? I have no Follow or Like button at the top as before. Now some little thingy pops up at the bottom on its own accord, and I don’t know how to make it pop up, it just does…saying Following or something else. Annoying little thing…

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    • Fimnora Westcaw
      Sep 22, 2015 @ 10:32:44

      No, it doesn’t sound like crap. I SO get that, especially from the stand point of deciding what to do with the time that has been given to me. Why constantly spend time doing something I’ve already done before, many times? Do I think I’m going to get it ‘right?’ do it differently? If I thought I might learn something new, I’d see merit in a redundant act. There are things of a different sort, different quality that is more alluring now a days.

      Yes, WordPress has been mucking around with things, and changing the face of their, (thus our) sites. It took me a while to realize all that. Meh! If they go too much farther they’ll be going fubar.

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      • badfish
        Sep 24, 2015 @ 23:24:13

        EXACTLY, spot on…and there’s only so much time, why waste it on that stuff? I’d liked the buttons at the top. I knew immediately if I was following (or liked). now I have to discover it in an annoying method.

        Liked by 1 person

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        • Fimnora Westcaw
          Sep 24, 2015 @ 23:54:07

          Is that annoying method through the reader? I have a pretty good sense of who I’m following. Plus, now they’re throwing pop-ups at the bottom of the screen, that says if I’m following the site. But it’s annoying, like you said.

          Did you ever get you email notifications straightened out?

          Liked by 1 person

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          • badfish
            Sep 25, 2015 @ 02:30:13

            No…the Reader is just TOO annoying for me to deal with. It’s what you said…those pop-ups at the bottom, or scrolling down to the like button, liking and then seeing if I’m following…because just what do you do to make the thing pop up, it seems so arbitrary.
            Email–I turned them off. I only get email from regulars now…but I can’t even keep up with them!

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            • Fimnora Westcaw
              Sep 25, 2015 @ 09:25:12

              I think the pop up changes. Though, thinking about it, the customize pop up only shows up on my blogs, like when I come here to comment.

              As for the keeping up with regular notifications, face it dude, you’re in the realm of Social Media. That means they’ll come by the droves, especially now that you’ve let us see your words along with your photos. Excellence is repaid with adoration. Deal with it. 😛

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              • badfish
                Sep 25, 2015 @ 22:42:48

                Yeah…I just don’t get the efficacy of the pop-up thingy. First, it’s there, then it isn’t, then it pops up but says something different. And no warning, no instructions.
                Notifications: I’d like to figure a way to do it more efficiently. I like doing it, and well, who doesn’t love adoration!!!! If it’s that at all. But dealing is so laborious.

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  4. platosgroove
    Sep 19, 2015 @ 10:07:22

    Flowers aren’t worried about doing anything. They just unfold revealing their unique fragrance and beauty. They soak in the sun, bend in the wind, bow their heads at night, and raise their heads with the sunrise. That is more than enough. I have experienced your beauty and fragrant soul in your words. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Colette B
    Sep 22, 2015 @ 09:09:43

    Enjoyed reading your exploration of the prompt 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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